Really, saying YES can make your life better

Here’s a simple way to shift something stressful into something that feels OK, or even good.  Recently I posted an article Say YES to Life that sparked some great emails from my readers to me.

I’d like to offer some simple but specific examples that may make you go ‘hmm’ and want to give it a try:

Example #1:  You have a social event coming up that is causing you some anxiety.  You keep thinking about it over and over again, playing out scenarios in your mind that are stressing you out.  Such as:  “I’ve never been to that part of town before and I hope I don’t get lost.  I won’t really know anyone there.  The person I do know is someone I had an awkward falling out with. What if my back pain acts up and I can’t sit down long enough? etc, etc….”  Your monkey mind is busy causing you worry about such negligible thoughts.

Saying YES to yourself about the event can change your entire perspective on this.  Catch yourself when your mind starts playing those anxious thoughts, stop for a moment, then say YES to the event.  Stop the ruminations and switch your mindset to YES.  Bring up the image of you attending the event and overlay it with the feeling of YES.  You could add thoughts such as “Yes, the event will be a worthwhile experience. Yes, it will be good to go.”  Just settle in and feel the YES in your body.

Example #2:  You are concerned about your friend.  He is faced with a possible diagnosis and you can’t stop worrying about it.   It’s really getting you down.

Saying YES to this situation can help your reaction to the situation. You already intellectually know that worrying is not going to help anything.  So feel the YES in your mind and body as you say YES to the flow of your friend’s journey.  “Yes, whatever happens, I am here to support him through it.  Yes, I feel good that I can help him.”

Remembering to say YES, and learning to feel it in your mind and body takes practice.  Relax into the YES. You can do this for even the smallest things that tend to stress you out.  You can choose your thoughts, you really can.  Give it a try on anything you want – see if makes your life better!

~Wendy

 

 

Don’t idealize meditation

Meditation is like a comforting best friend.

Meditation – is it ‘The Answer’ to a happy, calm life?

I have been teaching meditation in workplaces and in public classes for over 4 years now.  I see the range of attitudes people have when they are considering learning meditation, and when they are coming to a class for the first time.  I see which attitudes generally result in a ‘successful’ meditation learning and sustained experience.  What I saw was validated when I read Jon Kabat-Zinn’s mindfulness book ‘Full Catastrophe Living’.

Here are the 3 general attitudes people come to meditation with:

1. The ‘true believer’:  “Meditation must be ‘the answer’.  If I meditate, it will transform me.” — this person may be disappointed, because he’ll find out that he’s essentially the same person he was before he meditated.
2. The ‘pessimist’:  “I’ll try it, but it’s not going to work for me.” — this person may try meditation once or twice, and as soon as he feels anxious or a lack of calm, he will come to the conclusion that meditation doesn’t work and ‘It’s not for me’.
3. The ‘open-minded’ individual:   “I’m not sure if meditation will work for me, but I’m willing to give it a good try.  I’ll make sure I get good instruction, and I’ll do it for awhile before I decide if it’s right for me.” — Bingo!  this is the best attitude to have when starting to learn meditation. It’s OK to be a bit skeptical.  But this person is willing to take the time to learn and practice, and not make a judgment too quickly.

Creating a long-term meditation practice that gives you sustained benefits takes commitment.  It’s a practice that needs to be cultivated.

For me and many others, meditation and mindfulness does indeed provide a layer of calm in our lives, but it does not remove the ups and downs of life, and nor should it.

If you are a meditator, do you remember what attitude you had when you started to learn?

~Wendy

Say YES to life

Saying ‘Yes’ to your life’s experiences creates a positive flow.

What does ‘going with the flow of life’ mean?  Do you feel like you’re traveling upstream much of the time? You may have heard about the technique of saying ‘Yes’ to your life, even to the things that are bad in your life.  I would like to discuss that, because it may seem like a very strange and difficult thing to do.

Saying yes to some part of your life that you see as negative, does not mean that you like it.  You can say yes to pain, sorrow, guilt, and to things that aren’t going well for you.

Try this:

1. Think of something that isn’t going well in your life. It may be a day-to-day thing, like bad traffic, or it may be bigger, like a unhealthy relationship you have with your parents or a health condition that you have.
2. Now say ‘No!’ out loud or in your mind, while you are thinking of this bad thing, like trying to reject it.  How does that feel?  Not very good, I imagine.
3. Now say ‘Yes!’ out loud or in your mind. How does that feel?
4. Which one feels better, opens you up and helps you feel lighter?

Your Yes means that you accept the facts as they are.  That you are not resisting them emotionally, even if you are taking steps to change them.   This usually brings some peace to the situation within you.

When I remember to do this, it really makes a positive difference for me.  It helps me to feel like all those things that are irritants in life feel a bit easier.  It reminds me that life is an adventure, a journey, and that all happenings and emotions are part of the human experience.

Try saying Yes to many things in your life, throughout your day.  Yes, it’s raining and gloomy today. Yes, people are hungry around the earth, and many others are helping them.  Yes, my job is difficult sometimes.  Yes, I had cancer.  Yes, I worry too much.  Yes, I’m not a good cook. Yes, I get depressed sometimes.

Remember, this is building acceptance within you, which affects your state of being and your emotions.  It doesn’t mean you like everything or that you aren’t going to try to change them.

So say Yes to the flow of life, to your human experiences, and see what a difference it can make for you.

Here is a lovely, simple breath meditation you can do:

1. Sit quietly, and close your eyes and your lips gently.  Take a moment to settle down, and give yourself permission to take this break.
2. Once settled, take a wonderful energizing inhalation.  On the exhalation, breathe out a relaxing Yes.  This is a quiet Yes in your mind, and release the stress of whatever may be bothering you by breathing out and releasing with the Yes.
3. Feel this Yes in your body.
4. Do this for several minutes – even 5 minutes is wonderful.

This is a very good technique to be practice mindfulness as well.  Be aware that you are aware. Be mindful of your emotions and experiences.

I hope you have a wonderful and peaceful day.

~Wendy

Spiritually quarantine malevolent thoughts

Marianne Williamson is a spiritual public figure, an author and speaker.

I struggle to understand why people intentionally hurt others.  When I see the news about awful events such as what happened recently in Paris, I’m not completely sure what to do.

It is good to send peace and love to the victims and families of such violence acts. But would you do something for those who caused the suffering?

Marianne Williamson posted this on Facebook, and I like it.  Perhaps this will be helpful to you, too.

“Meditate every day for 5 minutes on spiritually quarantining all terrorists and would-be terrorists, placing them within a golden egg whose shell is built of an energy like titanium. Malevolent thoughts can’t extend past the shell to turn into manifestation, and within the shell a divine light is released that heals the mind that is thinking such thoughts.”

If you believe that we are all connected, and/or that intention matters, doing these simple practices would be very a positive act.

~Wendy

Introducing: Cause the Future

Wanting to make a difference in the world

My blog has once again connected me with another special person. His name is Cameron and he has a site called Cause the Future.

Cameron contacted me, and what caught my attention right away is Cameron’s purpose to help others and improve this world.  He was on a path to becoming a doctor, and realized that he wanted to take a holistic approach to life, so abandoned that path. Without any doubt, he knows he wants to make the world a better place.  As with any journey, there are phases and learnings along the way, and I want to share awareness of his cause with you today.

Here is what Cameron said to me:

“My purpose is to help people do something great with their lives. I wish to inspire others to make a difference, and you seem to be someone who already is doing that.

I have ended up spending much of the last year of my life figuring myself out, and I have really come to discover that helping others be happy and working to really better the world in some way is what matters most to me, so that is where this came from.”

Cause the Future has these helpful sections:

• Change Your Life
• Create Your Success
• Expand Your Mind
• Better Your World

Please visit Cameron’s site, and enjoy what he has to share.

What is important is Cameron’s passion to help others – sometimes we don’t know how to do that, but the important thing is having the compassion to help.  Everyone brings a uniqueness to how they help, and you don’t have to get it perfect. I encourage you to spend time helping others if you have a spark inside you that is calling you.

A learning I continue to have is to pause and take the time to recognize what I’m doing. I often feel the drive to do more and more to help others, and what comes with that is the feeling of inadequacy at times.  It brings me joy to see others who help others.

All the best to you, Cameron, and everyone out there who make the world a better place.

~Wendy