5 things to remember when you’re having a bad day

Having a bad day?  Having a bad week?  Most of us like to think we are pretty positive people, but even if we are a ‘glass is half full’ person, those bad days can hit pretty hard.

I just had one of those days where everything was going along fine, and BAM! one conversation threatened to change the course of something that is very important to me.  It parked itself in my mind so loudly and my monkey mind was rampant.  My stomach was in knots, and I had to employ all the relaxation techniques I could think of.

Here are 5 things to remember when you’re having a bad day:

1) Do something to ground yourself

First, do something to help relax your mind and body. There’s a lot you can choose from that invoke the relaxation response in your body.

• Pause, and breathe. Stop what you’re doing even for a minute or two. Focus on your breath.  Breathe & flow.
• Foot Regulation – Raise the heel of your right foot at the same time as raising the toes of your left foot. Then slowly alternate the movement (rock the feet so now your left heel is raised and your right toes are raised).  Keep this rocking/alternating motion going, back and forth. Do the movement very slowly, while sitting or standing for a few minutes.

2) Think of life as an adventure

Take a moment to put some distance between your upset thoughts and your life.  Look upon your life as an adventure and know that ups and downs are part of life. This can help provide a level of acceptance about what is happening.

3) Know it will pass

Everything changes over time, right?

4) Can you see the lesson?

What about this tough time is a learning for you?  Sometimes the learning is to simply be grateful for what you do have. Sometimes the bad thing does open up doors to something new.

5) Can you find the gratitude?

Remind yourself that there are always things in your life to be grateful for.  Know that many people would choose your life over their life. Count your blessings, because there are many.

Life is a series of moments.  Don’t waste these moments letting yourself be so angry or upset.

I wish you a wonderful day, not a bad day.

~Wendy

 

I want to meditate, but I like to go-go-go!

Did you know that yoga is a form of meditation?

“I have taken Wendy’s meditation classes and love meditation, but I still find myself wanting to go-go-go. I find it hard to sit still.  I feel like I’m failing at meditation.  I keep telling myself to calm down.”  – from Alain.

A meaningful conversation was sparked by Alain telling me that he’s unhappy with his ability to ‘calm down’.  Although when he does the occasional meditation class with me, he truly loves it and wants to do more, but often finds himself resisting the practice. He is unhappy about this resistance.

After some discussion, I learned that Alain is indeed a go-getter, a driven person and has many goals.  He does want to cultivate more calm in his life, but is dissatisfied with the pace of his adoption of meditation.  In the past year, he told me that he has taken up yoga practice, and has been able to incorporate yoga regularly into his life.

Here is what I offered to Alain:

1. Instead of having an attitude of forcing yourself to calm down, take on the attitude of allowing.  Just allow yourself to be exactly where you are right now.  Give yourself permission to take this journey, and don’t strive to be at a certain point.
2. Reflect and celebrate on the fact that one year ago, you weren’t even doing yoga.  Yoga is a form of meditation, so guess what, you are meditating!   Moving meditations such as yoga, tai chi, qi gong, and walking meditation are wonderful for people who feel the need to be moving.  I had trouble sitting still early in my meditation journey too.  Over time, I cultivated the quiet within me to be able to sit still in meditation, but it took me a year or two before I could enjoy that.

So Alain, realize you’re on a journey.  Notice and enjoy the journey.  Do you think you’ll even realize when you’re ‘there’, when you’ve reached your goal?  Isn’t that an interesting question — for me, I don’t consider myself as having reached a goal, because I see myself as on a journey every day, and today is today.

Thank you for the wonderful conversation, Alain. It’s always a pleasure to have meaningful encounters, and I want you to know that you are doing great.

~Wendy

Anxiety woes

I had another wonderful conversation today with a friend about how we feel anxiety sometimes. Intellectually, we know that anxiety is fear about the future, and that the fear isn’t real. Anxiety is just our worries about something that may happen.  But even with this intellectual and logical thinking, it’s still hard to reduce such anxiety.

Then sometimes when we’re catching ourselves feeling anxious, we feel guilty and foolish because we know that we should just change our thinking and smarten up!

Her anxiety is often about small things, such as:  “I’ve mailed in this bill payment and I fear it will get lost in the mail” or “What if I forgot to lock the house door?”  Even though these are relatively small things, it interferes with her daily enjoyment of life.  I’ve asked her to look into Cognitive Behavior Therapy, which she is thankfully exploring.

I’m certainly nowhere near perfect, but have found ways to reduce anxiety successfully sometimes.  It seemed to help her, so I thought I’d share these with you too.

1. Is your mind manufacturing stories?  Recognize when your anxiety are ‘thoughts’ and are not reality.  Be clear on what the facts are, instead of letting your mind create stories.
2. Trust that if something does go wrong, you can handle it!  (You really can.)
3. Don’t miss today. Realize that by worrying, you are taking away from your life’s experience of the present moment. Don’t let life fly by you.  Learn mindfulness to help bring yourself into the present moment, especially when you have anxious moments.

By practicing these techniques over time, you can get relief from anxiety, plus, you’ll start to enjoy life more!

~Wendy

 

 

Meditation enhances counseling

Transformation is a wonderful thing

“I’ve been in counseling for 4 years, but it was only when I started meditating that everything my counselor told me finally started to sink in.”  One of my meditation students shared this with me last week. Taking up the practice of meditation has changed his life.

You may remember ‘Sam’ who I blogged about recently about his journey from rumination to peace. Sam is a charismatic, outgoing and driven person, but life events over the past few years tormented his daily life by his rumination of how these life challenges had shaped his state of being.

Sam has seen a good counselor on a weekly basis for the past 4 years.  But, even though intellectually he knew what the counselor was suggesting he do was right, he found it difficult to put these learnings into practice and he wasn’t getting any ‘better’.  6 months ago, he began learning to meditate in my classes. Much of what I teach mirrored what the counselor was telling him to do.  When I teach in class, I often see Sam’s eyes suddenly widen whenever I would say something his counselor has already said to him – things like:

• becoming self-aware of his ruminating thoughts
• recognizing that his reactions to his problems are largely what is making him miserable
• practicing not judging others as harshly
• seeing his experiences as part of a journey

Sam admitted to me when he first started learning meditation he was very skeptical. He didn’t think it would help, and certainly wasn’t going to tell anyone that he was doing it. After just 2 classes, he came to me so excited to tell me how different he feels when he meditates. After each class, he would seek me out to tell me how it’s starting to change him and life is feeling different.

Now, 6 months later, he’s had a relevation . . . that meditation and mindfulness has allowed him to finally absorb and internalize all the things the counselor’s been telling him for 4 years!  Meditation has provided a safe space for him to ‘be’ with the counselor’s teachings and finally he is feeling relief and happiness in his life that he forgot he ever felt.

Sam is now reducing his counseling visits from weekly to monthly, and his counselor is happy to see the progress he has made.

It’s been a real joy to see the transformation Sam has made, and an honour that he entrusts me with his deepest troubles in life. He is fascinated with meditation and because of his experience says ‘everyone should be doing it!’  I remind him that it’s not for everyone, and he loves to debate with me and saying ‘it is for everyone, they just don’t know what they don’t know!’.

So partnering counseling with meditation and mindfulness has made a world of difference for Sam. It has created space for him to learn what he needed to learn, and gives him time to feel more like his true self, rather than the difficult events that have happened in his life.

Congratulations to Sam!  I am so happy for you!

~Wendy