When waiting for scary test results. . .

Feeling alone

Waiting for test results can feel lonely.

This post is quite personal, folks.  We’ve probably all been there at some point in our lives – something isn’t quite right with our health so we get some tests done and are waiting anxiously for the results. Our maybe one result came back that calls for further tests to be done.

I’m going through one of these times again. One test came back worrisome, showing signs of possible cancer in me again. Now I’m on a fast track to get several more tests done to get an overall landscape of my blood work to see what’s going on.

My belief is that I overcame my cancer from 2010, but even though the mainstream healthcare system here in British Columbia is pretty good compared to many countries in the world, it falls terribly short in helping cancer survivors monitor for cancer recurrence.

This post can go in one of two directions – how to deal with this time of anxiety and fear, or how to deal with the desire for good health monitoring outside of the mainstream public healthcare system.  For this post, I will focus on the former – I’m not yet ready to tackle the highly controversial and complex topic of seeking non-mainstream healthcare – but I probably will in the future. I am learning so much about that; it’s astonishing what most people do not know and I am finding out.

So here I sit, hoping that I am healthy, but the first test result is not good. How can I deal with the anxiety and fear?  Here is what I’m doing, whether right or wrong, it is what it is:

  • Allowing the moments of deep fear, and letting myself ‘freak out’. Of the many things that mindfulness has taught me, one is that having emotions is not a bad thing. Being aware of these emotions and realizing they are temporary helps greatly.
  • Knowing that whatever happens, I can deal with it (I hope).  Goodness, I’ve been through a lot in my life already – my cancer, parents with cancer, divorce, various health issues, stressful jobs, helping others, etc. Each experience has made me stronger, and this is all part of life.
  • It’s a stark reminder of the value of life.  I’m pretty sure I don’t take life for granted, but somehow I think these scares are messages for me.  It stops me in my tracks and makes me take stock of how I’m living my life. I see it is time for a slight adjustment in a few areas.
  • And yes, meditation and mindfulness helps me stay grounded.  As my followers keenly know, I know that these life skills build resiliency and a joy for life.  Every time life is hard, I meditate more, and it gets me through that phase.
John Mann

John Mann, musician

I just wrote a post about John Mann’s meaningful music he created during his cancer journey. For those of you facing cancer, it can be highly emotional to watch, but it can also be comforting to feel you are not alone. I find it therapeutic to listen to, but be ready to cry – I’ve received many emails already from people this has touched.

Here is hoping that some people out there reading this may be helped even a little by reading this if you too are in the midst of a possible health scare.


21 thoughts on “When waiting for scary test results. . .

  1. Wendy,

    I have few words to write here as I just had a chance encounter with you (again!) and has the opportunity to express my love and support to you in person. I contine to see you full of light and in perfect reflection of health and I will not sway from that regardless of the results. Your vulernability while writing this post is beautifully human. You are an inspiration to us all and it is important to me that you understand just how many people you have touched and whom are here for you for anything at all.

    With love and light,


    • Marjolaine,

      You somehow continue to amaze me, although I shouldn’t be amazed actually. You are such a beautiful, bright and genuine person, and so open-hearted and giving for someone of your young age.

      What you have said here, and also in person, means so much to me. Sometimes I feel alone, even though I know I shouldn’t. Your support and encouragement lifts me higher.

      Thank you from the bottom of my heart,

  2. Wendy thank you for having the courage to share this with us. You are not alone. We are all here with you waiting for the results of your further tests – and sending peace and healthful energy your way through our meditations. Just as you have taught and encouraged us to do. I feel very powerful energy coming your way.

    • Elanna, thank you for saying I am not alone. I know that intellectually, but it’s easy for the mind to try to convince you otherwise. The further test results will probably take a number of weeks unfortunately, so all my meditation/mindfulness skills will have to come into play during this time.

      I truly appreciate your comment, energy, and good wishes. We have never met, but you are a genuine, dear person. Thank you,

      • No we have never met but I feel as if we know each other well and have a common bond. I think we one day will meet in person. I look forward to it!

  3. Dear Wendy – we haven’t even met yet, but I’ve felt your caring in the few emails we’ve exchanged. My heart goes out to you. It is a very scary time, and your determination to face the uncertainty so positively is inspiring. I have all my fingers crossed for you and hope to meet you soon. Ilse

  4. Thanks for sharing Wendy. Wish and hope to see all the results come clean and get better. Continue the great work and learning you are doing – I find no better medication than that and I wish to God for your wonderful health and your families happiness.

    • Sudhir, this is all a learning, no matter which way this goes. Thank you for your continued encouragement and support. You, of all people, understand the power of belief and meditation. The amazing health recovery you have experienced from your meditation is inspiring to all. Thank you for staying in touch,

  5. My thoughts and prayers are with you Wendy. You have me and many others behind you cheering you on and ready to help, whatever you need. All the best to you my friend!

  6. Wendy, thank you for sharing what must be a difficult time. Please know that we are keeping you in our thoughts and sending good wishes your way. We are hoping for very good news. Keep in touch. With love and friendship… Angela

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