How much do you tie your self-worth to the job that you do, or to how much money you have in the bank?
Do you hear your inner voice bashing you?
I just had a meaningful conversation with a dear friend, whom I have such high regard for. I’ll call her Stacey in this post 🙂 Stacey is feeling bummed out because at the moment she’s not very busy and people aren’t lined up to buy her consulting services. She’s a lot like me in this regard — the logical brain knows that “It’s OK. There’s so much to be grateful for in my life, and things will certainly change. So stop worrying about it!” But the inner voice loves to sabotage and says “I can’t be any good if I’m not in demand. Something’s wrong. I feel like a failure.” The irony is that anyone who knows Stacey would wholeheartedly agree that she is a wonderful person and she does fantastic work, but surprisingly she’s gotten down about herself.
I often wonder: Why does the human brain have to be so self-sabotaging? Why are our brains like velcro to negative thoughts? It takes so much effort to try to stay positive – man, this is tiring!
Here are a few things that help me, and helped Stacey too:
- First, I get grounded and center myself. I like to look up to the sky and breathe. This super simple action helps to remind me how vast the world is and to get my thinking out of the hole that my imagination has dug.
- Then, I practice breaking the ties from valuing myself according to my job/career. I’ve been pretty successful with that although it comes back to bite me occasionally, and I mostly value myself now by how I help people. This new way of valuing myself means I don’t judge myself on how busy I am, it’s based on knowing that I’ve made a difference somehow, every single day, or most days. I reflect on how I’ve made a difference.
- But one big tip — I don’t try so hard. Relax into this practice. I see this practice as ‘allowing’ rather than ‘working at it’. When I released the feeling of it being work, and instead opened up to it and allowed myself to sink into it, it became a revelation rather than work. This attitude of ‘allowing’ made all this easier to do.
So tackle that internal sabotaging inner voice, and begin to allow yourself to ease into your practice.
Look at your life from the outside, holistically. Know that if you make a positive difference in the lives of others, this is the true value of who you are.
Have a wonderful day,