Judgment. I think everyone does it. When someone does something that annoys or angers you, does it sound like this?
- “I can’t believe he did that. What an idiot.”
- “She’s mean. She’s stupid. She’s selfish.”
- “Does she think I’m incompetent or something? Why doesn’t she just come out and say something to me instead of avoiding me? What a b****!”
When you take a step back from this and become self-aware, you may see that you are judging the other person’s actions based on how you feel. Judging and having opinions is something we all do, but here is a saying that helps me tremendously:
We judge others by how they make us feel. We judge ourselves by our own intentions.
Isn’t this a powerful saying? Firstly, it helps me realize that the other person does not have any intention to anger or hurt me. They usually don’t even realize how they have affected me. I have been jumping to conclusions and judging their intentions.
Secondly, it helps me realize that my ego is thinking “I am right. My intentions are good and honorable, so the other person is at fault and stupid” Hmmm… who is the judge of what’s right and wrong, anyway? Is it my own ego that’s causing this judgment? Alas, sigh, usually it is.
So many of our problems, annoyances and worries are self-inflicted. But we have a choice. We can choose a number of ways to change our state of thinking. Here are some:
- Stop judging others based on our own opinions
- Allow the possibility that the other person is unaware of how they made you feel. Consider telling them! How else will they know?
- Put yourself in their shoes. What might have been their intention?
- Allow the possibility that we may not always be right.
After all, hanging on to an angry emotion only hurts ourselves, right?